Dating The Loose End

Saturday, 7 December 2013

I don’t know. I am really not sure where my logical ends meet in this discussion. It is a loose talk, tied but strolling into deep horizons, but about these, I am not even sure they exist. Talking about love, dating, relationships; even marriage at times; that kind of talk, is like a tunnel with a diminishing light, you can tell where that ends. It perceptively never ends. Dating advice is never closed, because what works with one man might never work with the other. That’s just how we were created, what’s good for you is never really good for me. However, things work, and it doesn’t matter you understand how they work, when they decide to glide through, it’s up to you to slide with them or they rough you up; and trust me, the rough feeling, you don’t want to be part of it. So how do they work? How do people survive in dating; Love; Marriage; till death does them part? To answer this I’ll go back to my first statement: “I don’t know”.
There you go; you have an answer and should never suffer again. Bottom line: it depends on what you want to get from my answer; it depends on your attitude, personality and a confine of experience and whatever it is you got from the experience. A relationship is an actuation; what defines it is what happens in it. But this statement has a reverse implication, a relationship is therefore a loose end, it depends on where you want to enter it from. You can choose, the love end, the friendship end, marriage end, the dating end? Decide. But again, all these ends have love in them. So love is the problem, it is what defeats humanity to balance and once that happens, relationships are broken. 
Being a man at my age I feel life has given me enough experience about relationships to write about. By the way I am specific here; ‘life has given me enough experiences to write about’. Experiences in life are never enough, you just learn to work with the ones you have and anticipate the ones you will have. I have been in relationships, friendships; I have dated, but top of the list, I have been in love; or let me just say I have once loved, at least that I am sure about.
Love is never complicated as defeated souls say, to me, love is infinite. It is undefined, it is an open field. Love is liberal, it is a true definition of freedom and this is what overwhelms us. Freedom and liberty has never been put to its rightful purpose (assuming there is any). People don’t get excited by freedom, they get overexcited. They think of extremities instead of normality, they imagine heaven while they are on earth. Well, there is nothing wrong with imagining heaven but after the imagination, leave it there, but at the same time, there is nothing as peaceful as living earth, because that is where life lives. The problem is these people who imagine heaven do not leave it up there where it belongs; they try to pull it down to hearth. What happens then, it falls on them, and that is so painful. That is why break ups are so painful.
When I talk of liberty and freedom, I might as well be talking about the lack of it; imprisonment and slavery for instance. Who said not having freedom is bad? Using the bible (am not sure of the exact verse) but I believe the bible encapsulates that everything that the Lord God created was good. Nothing, no word, no phenomenon was designed to punish man. Actually, it is the manner in which man uses it that puts him through pain. But again, pain is never always bad. There are sweet pains and I am very sure you have once experienced them. What this explanation tells you is that it is all in your brain that hurts in your brain. In the same accord, it is all in your heart that will hurt your heart. Be wise, choose what is good for your heart, and put it there. That’s what will help you get to the other ends; from friendships to dating, to marriage, till death does you part. Otherwise, by the time death comes to the two of you, you may as well have parted, just that you don’t know.
Well, I’ll be sincere with you, this has all been an introduction to what I needed to tell you about love and relationships, but my pages are filled. That tells you there is a lot that goes into relationships that we never really know. You see? I was right when I told you I don’t know. Modern relationships are nauseating; they are confusing to say the least. There are a lot of young and innocent minds being engulfed in the confusions today. I will give you a real life experience.
A while ago, I have been chatting with my ex-girlfriend. Well I loved her;at least she gave me my first experience in love. Surprisingly, she asked me I f I have ever had another serious relationship after we part ways. I said ‘yes’ to that, yeah I have had. But isn’t it strange she asks me such a thing. But wait for it, she thinks she is about to get into another serious relationship with another guy. Reason for this is the fact that the guy treats her like I used to treat her, so she tells me. She says she feels the same way she used to feel when we were together, that again, she sees me in him. She tells me he is just like me, and she loves him a lot. Apparently, she feels she has finally gotten someone to fill the gap I left in her heart. Aha! Trust me I am supposed to be feeling a superman after being told that, and yeah! I feel a superman already, I just dint know I was that hard to replace that it has taken her 3 years to replace me. (By the way she is a pretty girl; it shouldn’t have taken that long).
Problem is, she is asking me for advice on what to do so that whatever happened to us does not happen to them. How do I answer that? I am not even sure I am the right person to give her advice on what to do. Problem again, she tells me she is afraid of getting into a serious relationship with him. She is afraid what happened to us will happen to them to. So the fact that I have been in another serious relationship after we parted places me on an upper hand to tell her what to do, at least I ventured before her. True that. Personally, I understand what she is afraid of, pain. The pains of a heart break, so she doesn’t want to give in that she is already in love with the guy. The guy loves her she sees it, he tells her, she feels it, topnotch, she likes it. She is the problem here, she is afraid to give in, to accept the love back. She is trying to play safe for her heart but in a stupid way. 
I say stupid because what is the point of guarding a castle that has already been invaded? The solution here is to contain the situation, to control. From our chat, I could clearly tell she was already in love with the guy, she just dint want to accept it, and live it. She’d preferred they don’t get in a relationship yet all she sees in him is a relationship already.  She is thinking heaven while she lives earth. It never works. She either goes to the heaven, or she stays on earth provided everything remains where it supposed to be. That’s how bad relationships are clouded. In her case she is giving mixed doses of love that kills it in the first place. The best practice in relationships: Be normal, be you and importantly, differentiate between a wish and a reality. Again, I say,there is nothing as peaceful as living a reality. Don’t date in loose ends, at least tie one up and guard the other one. You are now safe, go and start dating. See you there!

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